I'm Free!

My first thought was to run, run far and fast. Go go goooooo! There came a point where I was exhausted from running, physically and mentally. It then hit me, where the hell was I going? What was I running away from? The answer came swiftly: myself. Bam!

xoxo,

Marybel

The Unknown

Not knowing what was going to happen was very frightening. Would it really be better than where I was, or would it be worse? How could I ever know? The unknown is a scary place. I talked to a friend, she had been divorced for a year. She looked radiant, long black hair, fitted fashionable clothes, rings on her fingers and a lovely glow on her face. She was like an illuminated beacon in my darkness. She was talking with excitement about how wonderful and free she felt. "How long did the sadness and fear last?" I asked her. She looked at me with empathy, "depends", she said. I wanted to know on what it depended, and she told me that it would depend on the way I looked at things and if I could let go. "But, how long?" I pressed. She told me it was different for everyone.

Fuck. Great. Now what? Google must know. Nope.

Have a lovely weekend.

xoxo,

Marybel

Being There

I am not going to talk about my marriage here. It was wonderful, happy, sad, horrible and lasted nineteen years. I will not blame anyone for anything and I am not pointing fingers. I will only talk about the journey after it ended, with one exception, the night before it ended. It was late at night, the lights were out and I was laying in bed trying to go to sleep. Mind going at a million miles an hour. Tossing, turning, drifting, ahhh... ah... agh... aghh! I couldn't breathe. I was gasping for air. I couldn't even scream. I managed to yelp like a seal. I jumped out of bed, thinking that I was going to die. I was clenching my neck and I was desperate. Suddenly, after what seemed forever, I was able to breathe again. That's when it hit me. This was something that would happen in a Lifetime movie, not in real life. I was dying a slow death and I had to save myself. I was horrified, petrified and in shock. No sleep that night. I never thought it would happen to me, never ever, but it did! Oh no.

xoxo,

Marybel

Dear Diary: Fuck This Shit

This is the true story of a crazy, chaotic, happy, sad, confusing, scary, dizzying, clear, unclear, fun, frantic, difficult, joyful and fucked up time in my life. This is me, but it could be you, it could be anyone at any given time in their lives. I'm here to tell you a story, my story, and you look at it anyway you want to. I'm not here to be a role model or to preach, I don't know shit, just as someone that is going through life and staying on track, saying to myself everything is fine, despite what's going on. After the rupture of my nineteen year marriage, I was still standing although my head was spinning. I kept a close diary of everything I was going through, the diary changed in time into a series of illustrations, funny enough, this allowed me to be an observer and look at what was happening from another perspective. Looking at the drawings allowed me to see that I could move on to the next thing, everything was going to be ok...

Thank you for stopping by and enjoy the ride!

xoxo,

Marybel